I just received the following letter:

Dear sir:

In a matter of days, you will start receiving $13 per paycheck as part of my ambitious economic stimulus plan. Now that the American taxpayer has invested in your future, I wanted you to know that I have decided that you will no longer be in charge of your family’s finances.

It seems clear that the decisions you have made during the last several years have not been in the best interest of your family and certainly have not been in the best interest of America. Consequently, I am asking you to resign your position effective immediately.

Additionally, you are clearly spending too much of your grocery budget on red meat. It is not healthy and will ultimately lead to increase government expenditures from the Medicare program. Thus, you are to reduce expenditures on red meat and increase expenditures on produce, particularly spinach, which is packed with iron and other important nutrients.

I will have further instructions for you as we move forward in this new “partnership” together. /s/ The President.